Fight, flight…or friend

Let’s talk about the stress response that doesn’t shout or run… it smiles.  

It’s about staying safe by staying close.

How might this show up?

 Under stress, you may find yourself:

·       Constantly seeking alignment or approval from senior leaders

·       Being overly perfectionistic (because mistakes feel risky)

·       Struggling to say no, even when you’re at capacity

·       Playing it safe instead of voicing challenge or disagreement

Bob and Joyce Hogan, creators of the renowned Hogan Assessments, refer to this type of personality profile as ‘being associated with managing insecurities by building alliances’ (or a “moving toward” profile).

Why do we do it?

Because we’ve learned that harmony can protect us.

As Eisenberger and Lieberman write in their research on social pain, “to the extent that being separated from a caregiver is such a severe threat to survival, being ‘hurt’ by experiences of social separation may be an adaptive way to prevent them.”

In other words, staying connected (staying liked) can feel like staying safe.

What can we do to change it?

If you recognise this in yourself and it’s affecting how you lead, perform or interact with others - start by noticing the pattern.

Ask yourself:

·       What would shift if I trusted my judgement more than I feared disapproval?

·       What would happen if I said what I actually thought?

·       Who can I be honest with?

The good news?

Once you see it, you can decide what to do with it.

If you’d like to discuss any of the themes referenced in this article, drop me a message at: emily@emilysextoncoaching.com